Grow your network in the time it takes to make a morning coffee

Grow your network in the time it takes to make a morning coffeeGrow your network in the time it takes to make a morning coffeeAs founder of the popular podcast,The Jordan Harbinger Show,Jordan Harbingerhas helped to develop one of the leading self-development programs in the world,focusing on social capital, relationship-building, and authentic rapport. Author and podcasterDavid Burkusrecently hosted him for hisSuper Connector Summit, a free online event available to view October 30 to November 3. Here, they sharesmall ways to make big impacts on your relationships and career.DavidTell us your story. Youre a recovering lawyer, who decided to become this amazing, top-ranked podcaster. The reason for that welches the realization that your networks, your connections, your relationships are really what drive not only your career success, but the path of your career.JordanIts funny that you should mention that Im a recovering lawyer, because I was thinking about this today. I never bought into the lawyer thing. When I graduated from undergrad, I went to go get a job at Best Buy, and then thought, Oh, Im screwed. If I cant get a job at Best Buy doing anything but selling CDs, then I better go to grad school. So I applied to Michigan, the fourth-best law school at the time. I didnt get in. I applied to backup schools. Didnt get in.A friend of mine said, Write a letter to the admissions committee. Another friend of mine who was in law school said, Why dont you put it in legal brief format? All of this stuff had never occurred to me, but my network had come together to give me advice. I wrote the letter and, after that, got into law school at Michigan. That put the bug in my ear about asking other people for help.I worked really hard, and I ended up getting a job on Wall Street through, coincidentally, another connection from undergrad. My old roommates other roommate worked at this law firm, and I got a top market job on Wall Street. I woke up one day and went Oh my Go d, Im going to get fired. I dont belong here. I ended up with a hefty dose of imposter syndrome.On top of that, I had no idea what we were doing at work at any given time. I had no idea what I was going to do to get ahead, or stay ahead, or just make it there in general. And mentoring on Wall Street is not doing oyster shooters on the roof with Matthew McConaughey, like inTheWolf of Wall Street. The guy who was supposed to be mentoring me was mora like, Ive got to take you out for coffee, because I have to check this box on some HR form that says I mentored you. So lets get Starbucks in the lobby. What that allowed me to do was act think, Well this could be a perfect opportunity, because I want to know why this partners never here, and if I embarrass myself, Im never going to landsee him anyway.So I asked him, Why are you a partner? Youre so young, but youre never in the office. Do you just work from home? He said, I dont work from home per se, I bring in a lot of the deals. Every q uarter or so, he brought in multiple seven-figure deals from different investment banks. That changed the way that I looked at work forever. I thought, Wait a second. He works hard, he is smart. But really, hes not just working from home on a computer in a corner. He figured out a different skillset, that apparently nobody else can muster, and got really damn good at it. I needed to figure out how to do that.Thats when I started to dedicate myself to persuasion, influence, networking, interpartal skills, non-verbal communication. Thats why I did it. It wasnt becauseit came naturally to me, per se. It certainly wasnt because I thought I could start a business teaching this stuff. That had nothing to do with it. I was just trying not to get fired.DavidOne thing I heard in a lot of moments from your story is the importance of reaching out to folks for help. Theres building up a network, but then theres also staying connected, and strengthening those connections. When its time to ask th e right people for help, you dont want to seem like the guy that only comes up when he needs help, so now he cares about you again. When the ask happens, it should seem like one more in a series of conversations.Ive talked about this newsfeed way to do it. Social media is an amazing tool for keeping up with people, but a terrible tool for actually letting people know youre keeping up with them. Because once you get more than three likes on a page, a photo of your kids, youre not paying attention to who liked it anymore. So, youve got to reach out on a different medium.When its time to ask the right people for help, you dont want to seem like the guy that only comes up when he needs help, so now he cares about you again.JordanIf youre on Facebook, get off Facebook. Normally, we click like, or write cute and then hit return, and then scroll down the newsfeed. Dont do that. Reach out either via email, via text, or via phone.An email, not bad, but it can get caught in the inbox. People batch it. Its impersonal if its a business connection. Text, now thats good. I read it right away. It hits the sweet spot of friendship, intimacy, and caring with low commitment for the other person.Scroll down to the bottom of your phone list, and theres that guy that you hung out with on your vacation last year, who was really interesting, and just moved to your area, but you never called. Send them a text. Low commitment. Do it every day, with two or three people, and youre refreshing that list a lot.You dont have to rely on your newsfeed, especially if youre not a social media person. But do one or two from your newsfeed once something interesting pops up, like a person got a new dog, they had a new baby. This is only minutes of your time each morning. While you wait for the coffee to brew, you can re-engage a handful of people, every day, and it ends up being hundreds of people per year. You end up with a little short conversation with most of these people thats more meaningful than you think, and then you both get on with your lives, more connected.DavidWhat I love about the way that you described it is that its a system. Installing systems that keep relationships top-of-mind is as simple as a text.JordanAbsolutely. At Art Of Charm, we call this systematic versus opportunistic network maintenance. You can have both, you should have both. Even if you had four platforms like Instagram, your email, texting on the phone, Facebook - youre still talking about less than five minutes a morning to engage everybody, especially if you batch it.DavidIm curious, do you guys have other, more systematic things that you reference? What else are people missing?JordanMy business partner, AJ, came up with the Social Sales Funnel. Essentially, this is a system of meeting new people, filtering in the people that are going to be a good fit with your social circle. He has weekly gatherings- football on Sunday at his distributions-mix, and Saturday pool parties when hes not ou t of town. He caters to an overlapping, but usually quite different demographic. You can pick people and slot them in, and you can also rotate your invitation, constantly refreshing everything in our network. Thats the Social Sales Funnel.Its really just building the network for its own sake, and having friends. Thats it. Its not, Hey, you want to buy some health insurance? Theres no pitch, theres no waiting for the other shoe to drop. Its just ABG, as we call it. Instead of ABC, Always Be Closing, its ABG, Always Be Generous, or Always Be Giving. If you go by that, you dont keep score. You dont have to worry about looking fake, because youre not.DavidSo when an ask for help actually does happen, because youre growing that connection both personally and professionally, they want to help you already.JordanIt happens, usually without even asking. Theyre looking to reciprocate. Its not awkward, ever, because of the systems being in place before you need something. Its like that book ti tle, Dig the Well Before Youre Thirsty. If you create all these relationships, you dont have to worry about it being awkward when you ask, because its just like asking your cousin for something.DavidIf you, knowing what you know now, had to start all over again, building your network, whats the first thing you would do?JordanThe ABG principle makes so much sense. Its totally worth it. It would be worth it if you helped a hundred people and 99 of them never did anything to help you in return. Because usually that one person that does reciprocate is so clutch that its all worthwhile, especially if youre doing it at scale. Once you start creating a lot of these relationships, helping other people is, 99% of the time, just connecting one person to other people that you already know. Its like compound interest. You create a hundred relationships, and those people all starthelping each other, much more than they would if you only knew three people.This conversation has been edited and con densed. To watch David and Jordans full conversation, or learn from 50+ other world-class experts, tune into theSuper Connector Summit here.This article first appeared on Heleo.